Cutting my baggage loose

I’ve always found it hard to let things go. If something goes wrong I don’t shrug it off, instead I seem to fall under the weight of my own thoughts.

I’m the first person to overthink a situation. I pour over every detail of what happened and drown in the waves of guilt if I said something wrong or performed a social faux pas.

I suppose in some ways this is good. With hindsight, it’s helping shape me into a more rounded person by showing me that sometimes, I really should think before I open my mouth. 

But as well as blessing, it is a curse. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the guilt over my faux pas didn’t cause a second wave of chagrin when my brain churns out a memory for reflection.

I’d also be lying that when life hands you lemons and things turn sour that I don’t sit and overthink them. 

In an effort to help me shift my focus from the past to the present, my granddad told me about The Bag Story.

The story goes that as you go through life, you pick up bags for every bad situation you’ve been in, but unable to let go of; for me this could be fallouts with friends, bullying and more personal issues.

The more situations you don’t move on from, means the more bags you carry; and eventually the weight of those bags means that you cannot go on, you cannot carry any more bags.

I never really understood that, although I did try my best to let go of the past, let go of the bags.

That is until this year, when I recently lost my granddad who meant a great deal to me. He always wished the best for me, but above all he wanted happiness from me. 

It sort of lifted a fog that I seemed trapped in and it suddenly seemed obvious the meaning of the story.

It’s not the negative I should focus on, but the positive, what makes me happy. 

So I’m trying to do what makes me happy, which meant I stopped torturing myself with these memories of me messing up or arguments with old friend; and I’m walking away from people who do not wish me happiness, like I do with them.

I can’t stop thanking my granddad enough for everything he has taught me while I was growing up; but most importantly leaving me with this lasting lesson that I’m now taking on board (better late than never, I suppose). 

Dedicating this post to my granddad who continues to teach and inspire me,

– E

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